Why?

 Hello Readers.

First time for me posting on the blog, but I'm hoping to contribute more as God has given me several topics. So let's get into todays;

As young children, if we grow up with Christian parents that teach us about the Lord, for that first bit I'd say that most of us are Christians because our parents are Christians. As we grow up though, we each have to make our own decision to develop a relationship with our Creator and Savior.

I made the decision to follow my Lord a long time ago. I truly can't remember a time when I didn't believe or know the Lord. I'm pretty sure I asked Jesus to be my Savior a few times as a young child because I was little so I didn't really understand. I don't remember those times though. I can't remember how old I was, but the time I clearly remember asking Jesus to be my Savior, I was doing my school work and I had remembered how to write 'September' without looking and I asked my mom (I think these were my words), "Mommy, am I saved?". I can't remember what she answered, but I remember she went and got my dad and I remember dad telling me to say, "Heavenly Father, I know Jesus died for me and I want Him to live in my heart." and I remember being ecstatic after I prayed because I knew I had Jesus.

Now, let's get into why this post is titled 'Why?'

So I'd say that I've followed the Lord for the majority of my life if not in its entirety. Recently, I've had several people ask me if I was Christian and I always answer, "100% sold out to Jesus". But I've been thinking about it for a couple of weeks and I've realized that no one has ever asked me, 'why?'. No one has ever asked me why I'm 100% sold out to Jesus or why I'm a Christian or why I believe what I do. 

So I asked myself and I honestly didn't have to think about it for more than a couple of minutes to know my answer. Now, stay with me because it's a bit of a story;

Throughout my life, there have been various times that I've audibly heard the Lord speak to me. It's gotten more frequent in the last few years because I've grown a lot in my relationship with Him. The day I will never forget hearing His voice though, was the day that I almost ended my life.

You see, I was quite sheltered as a child and I'm actually very grateful for that. I was homeschooled and we lived in an area that didn't have other kids to play with. I also had horrible separation anxiety if my mom wasn't with me. Anyway, at the age of 14, I had just gotten an American Girl doll that grew up in the 70's and loved to roller skate. I wanted to try it out, so my parents took me to the local roller skating rink. I was not a good skater that night... lol. I fell on my bottom more times than I'd like to admit and I hugged the wall like it was a long lost friend. I also didn't know how to stop which was quite problematic. So while all this was going on, one of the skate team coaches came and talked to my parents and told them about the lessons they offered on Saturdays. I was super excited to take lessons and especially learn to stop. After 3 levels of classes, I joined the artistic roller skating team. By this point, I LOVED skating! I skated every session I could. I loved being on the skate team and practicing and competing. Unfortunately, my teammates and the other coach weren't all that fond of me... I wasn't bullied in the physical sense aside from getting bumped on the skate floor occasionally, but I was bullied emotionally. My teammates actively ignored me even if they knew I was talking to them. They made it clear that I wasn't welcome to sit with them during down time or at competitions. When they did take a minute to talk or listen to me, they made sure I knew that I was an idiot when I spoke. I was the only one on the team that they didn't cheer on or watch during events. And when someone new joined the team and they saw that I was making friends with them, they made sure that they pulled those people into their group so I would continue to be alone. The only 2 people on the skate team that cared about me were my coach that first told my parents about lessons and a fellow outcast that wasn't always at practice because of work. This went on for 4 years and within that time, although I told myself that I knew who I was in God's eyes, I didn't believe it. I was extremely lonely. I was fully convinced that I was stupid. I was convinced that I wasn't a good skater (although I have a box containing a majority of 1st place medals that proves otherwise). I lost my voice and who I had always thought I was. I was very depressed, I had anxiety attacks often, and I had horrible suicidal thoughts.  One day, I had forgotten my socks, so my mom and I had to go to the store that was down the road to get some. My mom went in the store and I stayed in the car. I didn't have hope at this point. I didn't believe that the emotional pain I had would ever go away. I was crying and I just wanted the pain to stop. I was watching the cars on the road... my phone was in the cupholder and as I reached for it to call my dad and say goodbye, God's voiced boomed in my head and said, "No! Go to your mom.". I jumped out of the car, didn't even shut the door, and ran to find my mom, who was just coming out of the store, balling my eyes out and told her that I almost left. That day, I decided that it was time to quit skating. I finished out the last few competitions I had and was done after nationals (I placed 8th which I'm still very pleased with). The road after quitting skating wasn't fun... I was still severely depressed and I still contemplated suicide more than I want to discuss, but even though I believed that the pain would never fully go away, I made up my mind that I wasn't going anywhere. During this process of recovery, I found things that helped. Veggie Tales being the biggest one. God used 2 particular Veggie Tales episodes to give me hope again and to tell me how important I am to Him. The episodes are 'A Snoodles Tale' and 'Its A Meaningful Life' (both are free to watch on YouTube, so I highly encourage you to check them out). A couple of years passed and I was doing better. I wasn't dealing with depression or suicidal thoughts as much, but the pain was still there and I still had really bad days sometimes. In 2014, I went to a Christian youth camp. An awesome man and pastor named Dave Duel (you should look him up if you don't know who he was) preached every night at camp. Well, one night during service, God used Dave Duel to change my life. Dave asked if anyone had anything they needed to be set free from, so I went up to the front. I'll tell ya, never before had I felt the holy spirit like I did when Dave cut the ties to everything that happened. I cried for 5 hours straight. All the pain, the depression, the suicidal thoughts, the immense weight of 4 years of bullying, was gone! I was finally free.

That is just one of the many examples I could share, but I think its probably on the top of the list.

So, why am I 100% sold out to Jesus? Because I would not be here without Him (literally since He created everything, but also because I was going to leave that day). Because He constantly shows me that He's here and that He loves me. After everything that I have been through and experienced, both good and bad, I CANNOT say that I don't believe. I have heard His voice, I have felt his comforting hug, I have felt His love for me, and I see the amazing details that He has put into everything in creation. So if anyone ever told me to prove that God exists, I will tell them, prove to me He doesn't. Because I 100% know He does and I know He loves us with a love we cannot begin to comprehend.

In the last 5 years or so, I've dramatically grown in my relationship with the Lord. I read my bible almost every night because I want to learn more about my amazing God and who we are to Him. One of the things that comes with getting closer to God though, is realizing how far so many have gotten from Him. It makes me sad because I know about God's great love for us, and sometimes I think about how heartbreaking it is for God, who wants us to be close to Him, to have so many of His children constantly rejecting Him.

So, in case no one has ever asked you, why do you believe? Why are you a Christian? Why did you make the decision to follow Jesus? Think about it, know your answer, and keep growing in your relationship with Him.

Thanks for reading.

-skort94/Danielle